He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I need moral support for this bender
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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