those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
