im six kinds of drunk right now
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
