If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
