so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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