guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize