All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
