if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
