I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
