And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The best revenge is premature balding
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
