hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
