i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
