yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
