So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
