i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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