ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
