The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
