Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
