I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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