Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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