but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
