OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
