and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
