Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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