Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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