I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
