At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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