the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
