I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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