You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
