Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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