Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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