i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
