I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
