there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
