I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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