Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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