Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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