I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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