I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
