I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
