i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
