Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
