I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
