She's JV to your varsity
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
