Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
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good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
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No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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