So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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