Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
