Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
What a dumb baby whore.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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