when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
