I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
