MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
