I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
