i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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