Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm always down for nudity.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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