I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
