I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
