I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
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