super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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