so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
