planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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