I wannas sexs uuuuu
look no pants
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
