There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
