How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
