Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
