i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
