just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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