White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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