I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You are a genius and a whore.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
