mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
so much tequila, so little girl.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
