hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
