So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
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He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
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The feeling are messing with the penis
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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