I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
