Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
