oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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