apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
