The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
