Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
