i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
