You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
