my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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